Do you feel like you would like to doubt yourself less? Do you sometimes struggle to listen to your inner voice? Do you ever feel a certain kind of pressure and longing for freedom? In that case, you might want to work on your Circle of Authenticity. When your Circle of Authenticity is formed and protected, you are sure of one thing, and that is your right to be who you are. You feel like you know who you are at that time, and it feels safe to listen to your own authentic voice. But what is this Circle of Authenticity exactly? And how do you protect your authentic self from external influences? Find out in this article about the Circle of Authenticity. 

What is the Circle of Authenticity?

The Circle of Authenticity is You. Your personality, your values, your dreams. You. Therefore, it’s yours. Part of your Circle is clear from the start. After all, we are all born with a personality. Some children are born as quiet and others are born as complete extroverts. Some are born with a very serious personality and others are happy and smiling all the time.

From the moment we are born, we experience our personality. We learn how it feels to be ourselves. We experience how people respond to our personalities and behavior. Children are very honest, transparent, and authentic. They behave freely in the games they play, the emotions they express, and the thoughts they share. But then, at some point, our behavior changes. We adapt. We learn what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say, and how to react and how not to react.

One way in which we learn, according to B.F. Skinner, is through operant conditioning. This simply means that we learn how to behave by the punishments and rewards we receive. Another way is, according to Albert Bandura, through social learning. This means that we learn by watching how other people behave.

Because we learn to adapt to the society we live in, at some point later on in our lives, we might start to wonder who we are ourselves. We learned all this behavior, but by that, did we lose ourselves in the process? Who are we at our core? Who is our authentic self? And what do we want? What do we need? That, we would find in our Circle of Authenticity.

How to work on your Circle of Authenticity

If you feel like you frequently doubt yourself, are often unsure of what you want, or don’t know how to find your happiness, then you might want to work on your Circle of Authenticity. In order to get started, it is best to mentally prepare yourself for a time during which you focus on experiences, awareness, and self-love. You would need time and space to experience and focus to become aware. 

When you worked on your Circle of Authenticity, you know much more clearly what you do and do not want, how you want to be treated, what you stand for, and when you need to stand up for yourself.

Is there anyone in your Circle of Authenticity besides yourself?

The reason we often feel lost is because other people are in our Circle of Authenticity. To find out whether someone else is in your Circle of Authenticity, you would need to observe your thoughts and feelings. Be aware of what happening in your mind and body. Awareness is key to everything because it helps us to understand ourselves. 

Do you ever feel pressured to behave or think in a certain kind of way? Are you pushing your thoughts and feelings away in response to what someone else is saying? Do you frequently experience that people can influence you very quickly? Do you choose to express yourself differently based on other people their expectations? Do you ever feel cramped or suffocated? If you said yes to any of the previous questions, it might be that other people took up space in your Circle. If you are not the only one in your Circle, it’s time to push those other people out. Your Circle of Authenticity can only be yours, as it is you.

It will probably hurt to push other people out. After all, other people were comfortable in your Circle, and you were used to them. You might have even formed yourself around them in your own Circle. Think about the times you are hesitant and doubtful while communicating with them and search for approval. When you are pushing people out of your Circle, it might hurt because you are not used to pushing people out. Therefore, you will need incredible strength and courage. How can you push someone out of your Circle of Authenticity? By first setting your Border.

How to push people out of your Circle of Authenticity

 To push people out of your Circle, you would need to learn when to stop arguing, how and when to say no, how to stand up for yourself and be able to accept the consequences. Try to become aware of when a conversation feels like you are starting to be persuaded into something you don’t feel comfortable about, and then shut off that conversation. You could start trying to say things like, ‘I don’t want to talk about it (right now)’ or ‘I don’t feel comfortable discussing this (with you).’ You could always start the conversation again when you feel more at ease.

In the beginning, trying this out might feel uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. After all, because of this Border, you will feel free inside of your Circle of Authenticity. This is because you claimed back your space.

The Border of Authenticity

 With the Border of Authenticity, we protect our Circle of Authenticity. When you found out people were in your Circle of Authenticity, your Border didn’t surround your entire Circle. It is very likely that this has been the case when you were young. In most cases, we naturally start to push people out as we get older. This tends to happen when we hit puberty. It does happen though, that some of us haven’t been able to push people out, which led them to stay in our Circle. Especially with our parents and siblings, this is often the case.

But also during our adult life, we might still let new people enter our Circle. These could be the new role models that enter our lives or other people we highly respect. 

When people get beyond your Border and into your Circle of Authenticity, they could potentially change your authentic self. From then on, you are not your own anymore, and when you are not careful and aware, your authenticity starts to fade. But, don’t blame others because no one can invade your Circle of Authenticity without your permission. At the same time, don’t blame yourself because you didn’t know then what you know now. Never blame. Try to understand. Try to be aware of what happened.

Maintaining your Border of Authenticity

You can maintain your border and protect your Circle through your border. Now that you pushed people out, all that is left to do is to remain aware. Remind yourself to keep asking the questions you asked yourself before. Do you notice that you find it hard to stay close to yourself? Is someone changing your mind and do you afterward feel like it was mainly the person who said it and the way they said it that changed your mind, rather than what they actually said? Are the people around you respecting your boundaries? And if they don’t, are you handling it well to hold your boundaries?

A strong Circle of Authenticity

When the Circle of Authenticity is yours, you will feel less hostile when having a disagreement with someone. After all, it will no longer feel like you need to claim your space within your Circle of Authenticity. It is already yours. Entirely yours.

Next, it feels easier to change your mind about things. This is because it no longer feels like changing your mind means denying your Circle of Authenticity or losing space in your Circle to someone else. Input from the outside no longer crosses your Border. Disagreements henceforward take place outside of your Border. Your Border is strong enough now.

From that point, you would also be able to have more meaningful conversations. After all, when you know your authentic self and feel enough self-love to accept it, you don’t need confirmation and direction from others. You know your boundaries and hopefully can respect other people’s boundaries better as well because you understand why they set them.

When the Circle of Authenticity is yours, all you have to do is be aware and listen to get to know yourself better. All your answers are inside. You will feel when someone crosses your boundaries, you will feel when you let someone into your Circle, and you will recognize it when your Circle is no longer yours. Feel and be aware. Love yourself enough to accept your authentic self and from that position, you are ready to truly connect to yourself and the people around you.