David Marks is an Australian man who grew up in the same way as many of us did. However, at the age of only 26, something made him decide to become a Buddhist monk. During the first article of this three-piece interview, you will find out how and why an ordinary man chose to become a Buddhist monk and what his monastic life of 30 years was like. David Marks shares his extraordinary story and the wisdom and life lessons he obtained along the way. Also, he discusses challenges that many of us still experience nowadays and sheds light on why he thinks many of us feel more and more disconnected.

This is the story of an Australian man who became a Buddhist monk.

What was your life like before you wanted to become a Buddhist monk?

I was born into a middle-class family in Australia. My parents were very kind and decent and didn’t raise me in any specific religious or spiritual way. They were very open-minded people. When I was studying Law, I already knew I didn’t want to practice it after graduation. I chose to start and finish my studies because my parents expected it of me and because I didn’t know what else to do at that time. It is too much pressure on us at such a young age to know what to do with our lives. We have only been to school, so how could we know? I only knew what I didn’t want to do.

In the summer before I started my last year, I traveled for a few months and went to Indonesia and Malaysia. Because of that, I realized that there were other options in what I could do after graduation. I had one year left to finish my degree and by that time already knew that I was going to travel again after my studies. So after graduation, I worked until the end of the year, bought a one-way ticket and told everyone at home that I might never come back.

After you left home, at one point, you decided to become a Buddhist monk. How did you come to that realization?

Looking back at my life at university, I remember how confused and lost I was. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I also felt very disconnected. Afterward, I could see that I was experiencing an existential – or you could say spiritual – crisis. I experienced a lack of meaning. Looking back, I realize that I was on a spiritual search. In such a search, one is looking for oneself. You start asking questions such as ‘Who am I?’, ‘What am I doing in this world?’, ‘What is the purpose of this life?’. When we are young, mostly we just want to have fun. We do this and that, go here and there. We experience life as much as we can. I did that a lot and had some amazing adventures. That is why I started traveling as well, to have more fun and experience more.

My travels were almost exclusively in Asia, and at one point, in 1978, I visited India. Something changed there. It was like going to another planet. It was extraordinary but very difficult. In India, it feels like another reality. There was no connection to my own world. Over there, I started to examine what I was doing with my life more closely. I realized I was no longer interested in going to the next party place or entertaining myself anymore. I wanted to explore a little bit more deeply and wanted to search for the meaning of life. So I started to travel to places with some spiritual significance. At the same time, I began to meet like-minded people. Not just travelers, but also seekers like myself.  That’s when things really began to change.

“Your mind is starting to change in a certain way and you meet somebody who says something and it sets you off in a certain direction. Or you read a book and it is like ‘Boom’. Something opens in your mind and in your heart as well. It is almost as if there are these unseen forces guiding you on a certain journey when you open up and you start to be receptive to that guidance. That is how I felt in India. I used to think “Ah mother India, where is she going to send me next? What adventure is she going to give me tomorrow?” It was like being in a circus, very beautiful.”

– David Marks.

I came to realize I was not here just to have fun but to learn something as well. Traveling in Asia and India in particular, I started to see how important religion was in people’s lives. I also started to understand why. It gave them a sense of connectedness, a reference point to how they relate to themselves, the world, and other people. Once I realized how important it was for other people, it was a short step to acknowledge its importance to myself as well. It was a gradual process. This was because, to some extent, in the beginning, I was kind of anti-religious in some ways since I didn’t want to identify in any particular way. However, eventually, I did realize and accept that I had a deep spiritual yearning that I wanted to nourish and cultivate.

So, I started to realize in India that I wanted to learn how to meditate. Also, I wanted to learn more about my mind. So then I started to think about which path to follow. Around that time, I actually ran out of money, so I returned to Australia. Back home, I met an old friend from university, and she was a Buddhist. When talking about meditation, she told me about a Buddhist center in Melbourne, the city where I was from. So I went there just to see what would happen.

It was a Tibetan Meditation Centre. When I first walked into the center, I saw a picture of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I felt a really deep sense of recognition and familiarity. Maybe I have seen him somewhere or met him on my travels in Asia, I thought. After first visiting the center, I started to attend meditation classes and teachings. A couple of months later, Lama Zopa Rinpoche, who came from the Kopan Monastery in Nepal, gave a 7-day intensive retreat, which I participated in. During those days, I had some powerful dreams about Lama Zopa. At that time, I began to feel like Lama Zopa was my Guru, my teacher.

“As soon as I heard those preliminarily teachings on Buddhism, about suffering and the cause of suffering and karma and reincarnation, for me it was like a *snaps fingers* light going on. It was like the last pieces of a jigsaw puzzle were falling into place. It was like “Oh my God, I’m a Buddhist and I’ve always been a Buddhist. I’m a Buddhist, but I just didn’t realise it.”

-David Marks

The teachings really helped me build up the picture of who I was, where I was going, and what I wanted to do with my life. From that moment on, it was crystal clear. I just wanted to go to Nepal and India and become a monk. All I wanted to do was to immerse myself in Buddhist teachings and the Buddhist culture. I wanted to learn as much as I could as quickly as I could. I worked for the rest of the year to save as much money as possible. I felt very strongly that becoming a monk was my only choice. That this was what I had to do. So I went back to Nepal.

“When I speak to other Westerners who became monks and nuns, for some of them it is sort of similar. It’s like you make this connection and it’s crystal clear what you want to do with your life and no power in the universe is going to stop you from that.”

– David Marks

Earlier on you mentioned feeling very disconnected before you knew what you needed to do. Many of us go through this experience. Could you tell me why you think people feel so disconnected and sometimes even experience an existential crisis?

I think that at some stage, most people go through this, and often it’s the absence of spiritual nourishment. That absence causes a feeling of existential despair. When you are young, it’s all about having fun. That’s good in a way because it’s our world and culture, and we need to explore it.  We are looking for happiness. But in our world, it is always outside of ourselves. Maybe that is why at a certain point – for the people who have a strong spiritual calling – it can start to feel pointless, superficial. Without nourishing the spiritual side, one can feel quite depressed and hopeless. It could feel like the world doesn’t have anything to offer anymore.

I think deep down, we’re all spiritual beings, and to be whole and complete, we need to connect with that aspect of ourselves. The main purpose of religion and spiritual practice is to help us develop our inner goodness, compassion, and wisdom. In Buddhism, we call it Buddha-nature.  If we don’t connect to our inner divine, there’s no way to properly relate to the outer divine – whether we call that Buddha or God or Allah or anything else. As we open up more and accept and nourish our inner qualities so too, we are able to experience a deeper connection with the external forces of goodness that pervade the universe.

What do people need to do when they feel disconnected and lonely?

We need to learn to open our hearts to others in a really authentic way and to connect with others. We are human beings. If we don’t relate and connect to each other in a wholesome way, it will be like a seed of happiness that remains within us but never gets watered, so it just withers and dies. The loneliness, anxiety, and alienation that so many people experience are mostly related to the inability to open our hearts and to give and receive love from others. So to engage with others in a positive way is of fundamental importance. But in order to do that, we first have to engage with ourselves in an extremely good-hearted, loving, kind, and authentic way.

We need to develop ourselves to relate well to others and have empathy with others and help others in the best way that we can. We need help from others, and others need help from us. That sense of connectedness is so important. The more kindness, love, and compassion we can generate from within, the more we are able to extend that to others. At the same time, we ourselves also become happier.

It is almost like that we are obsessed with being in love. It transcends religion, race, and culture. People share love with their partners and friends, and parents, and children. That feeling of love gives rise to so much joy and happiness. It’s that absence of love that is the source of all loneliness and unhappiness. The more we are able to love, the more happiness we experience, the more happiness we share with others.

What role does love have in the Monastic culture, and why do monks and nuns refrain from having sexual relationships?

In the monastic environment, there really is this sense of kindness and concern for each other. There is a softness and a gentleness about the way both monks relate to one another, and the way nuns do as well. Which is kind of logical, because they grew up in an environment, which always reinforces the importance of kindness and compassion towards others. You could really say love, kindness, and compassion have a huge role in the monastic culture. 

Regarding sexual relationships, monks and nuns living separately in the monastery and not having sexual relationships is primarily because engagement with the sensory world can make the mind more distracted. Therefore, it can also make it difficult to meditate and to go deep into practice.

There is a very pure energy in the monastic environment, and this makes it easier to relate to people with less attachment or desire and more love and kindness. Nonetheless, Buddhist monks are also human beings and they sometimes also stop being a monk and decide to get married and have families. What is very interesting about the Tibetan and Nepali Buddhist culture is that even when they leave, for whatever reason it is, when they return as non-monks, they are still part of the family. It is not like they are cut off and made to feel like they somehow betrayed the monastic institution. The residents of the monastery would still welcome them with open arms at all times.

Whether one is a good Buddhist or not has nothing to do with whether someone is a monk or a nun, or a layperson. It’s more about what we do with our minds. Some lay people are incredibly sincere in their practice and maybe even further on the path than some of the monks or nuns. It is not like you have to become a monk or nun to develop spiritually. Yet, it is a powerful way to work with the mind.

How was it to adapt to the Buddhistic way of life during your first year?

After leaving Australia, I went to Nepal, where I lived at Kopan Monastery for a year and helped in the office. At the end of that year, I became a monk. Then, Lama Yeshe sent me to the Nalanda monastery in France, and I stayed there for 3.5 years. I had a difficult time when I first started. I was a bit crazy at the time. When I just started in Kopan, Lama Yeshe gave me some things to do to purify certain karma, and I didn’t do those practices. Later some negative karma ripened, and I experienced mental problems, confusion, and disorientation. In the midst of that confusion, I became a monk, which was probably the worst time to become ordained. It only increased my confusion.

It was a very turbulent and uncomfortable time. Buddhism is almost the opposite of the way we think and behave in the western world, so there are many forces at work. Later on, that changed, and things started to settle down. In retrospect, I can say I became a monk a bit too soon. I should have waited a few more years and studied more to be more familiar with what it means to be a Buddhist in the Tibetan tradition and what it means to be a monk.

Was there something specific that made it easier to adopt the monastic lifestyle? 

Not really. It was more of a gradual familiarity with what it means to be a monk and how to behave like a monk. After I had been in the monastery in France for a few years, I left and went back to India. I was in the meditation center in Dharamsala, and at that point, Lama Zopa told me to start teaching. At first, I doubted whether I would be the right person for that. I felt like I didn’t really know that much yet. Lama Zopa then said:

“It doesn’t matter. Teach what you know with sincerity and you will benefit many people.”

– Lama Zopa Rinpoche

So I started teaching, and once I did that, it also helped me center me in my life as a monk. Also, I realized that every time I taught, I learned as much as the students. You really need to lay out the teaching material in your mind clearly. So for some years, I stayed in India and Nepal, going back and forth teaching in Dharmasala and at Kopan Monastery. In those years, I really started to appreciate and integrate monasticism into my life.

What do you like most about the Buddhist philosophy?

The thing that touched me most deeply was the emphasis on kindness and compassion. I’m quite sensitive and always try to be a kind person. I remember when I heard the Dalai Lama say, “My religion is kindness.” That resonated very deeply, and it really touched my heart. As I learned about the other aspects, such as about past lives and future lives and different realms of existence and karma, I felt like Buddhism was some incredible science-fiction story.

Even in teachings, I often said to people that Buddhism was like a mixture of Lord of the Rings, Alice in Wonderland, Star Wars, and Star Trek. I always believed in magic because I always thought there was something mystical and magical about the universe. The whole idea of other realities and the world not being what we think it is always fascinated me. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, there really is some kind of magical aspect in the way the Lama’s behave and guide their students. This mystical side of things also touched me very deeply.

Why did you stop being a monk? 

At a certain point, after spending several years traveling between Nepal and India, I returned to Australia, where I was involved with the establishment of a monastery outside of Melbourne. I lived there on and off for some years. For a while, I was even the monk in charge of managing the place.

It was a very valuable experience, but institutionalized monasticism was hard for me because I don’t like living with other people. Still, it was part of the Buddhist monk culture, but I prefer being on my own, with the freedom to go wherever I like and live wherever I want. Over the years, I lived in many different places but not so much in monasteries. I’d rather wander around to different sacred places and just live there. I’d always rather be a wandering mendicant than a monk in a monastery.

So I spent more and more time in Australia, and I didn’t want to live in the monastery. When you live in the monastery, you are with other monks, and you are wearing the same clothes and have the same view. So it is familiar, and you don’t feel particularly strange. However, when you step outside of the monastery into the ordinary world, you are a freak because you dress just so different. You are very visible, and I never felt comfortable with that.

At a certain point, I felt I had to choose – either go back to the monastery and live there as a monk or stop being a monk and live as an ordinary person. Unless I lived in a monastery, being in robes didn’t make any sense anymore. Besides, I was confident I could continue and even develop my practice just as well if I was an ordinary person. I thought about it a lot. Then, I decided to stop being a monk. It felt more comfortable being a bit more invisible. I didn’t have to carry the label and projections of other people. More importantly, on one level as a monk, one has sometimes very unreasonably high expectations of oneself. So, when I stopped being a monk, I felt more relaxed, natural, and authentic.

Maybe I will become a monk again later. For the thirty years that I was a monk, I think I needed to be a monk in order to grow. Now I know that I can be a monk if I want to, but I don’t need to anymore. After I stopped being a monk, I spoke to Lama Zopa to discuss what was a good thing to do for my practice. He advised me to go back to Nepal. So a couple of months later, I found myself back at Kopan Monastery, but this time as a layperson.

I remember the first time I gave some teachings at Kopan while wearing ordinary clothes. It gave me a really strong feeling that I had done the right thing. It felt so much more comfortable, and I felt like I could express myself more authentically and more genuinely. I could do my teaching without the formality of being a monk. Also, I liked being able to talk to other people while feeling more equal, more as a friend.

What is most important for you to maintain your happiness? 

My meditation practice. My meditation sustains me in my spiritual life and in my daily life, and even in my capacity to teach and communicate with others. Still, although I like teaching and communicating with others, I also, to some extent, need to keep my solitude in which I can enjoy the silence. In that sense, my life right now is not that different from when I was a monk. Only, now I don’t have the formality. No robes, no monastic vows, no monk label.

“Whether we are happy or unhappy has not much to do with whether we are a monk or not. It is what we do with our minds. As long as I am able to meditate a lot and keep the mind calm, centred and clear, then that is where I get my joy. That is where I get my happiness, from within. And the more peaceful the mind becomes, the more happy one becomes.”

– David Marks